Charles Has A Really Terrible Sense Of Humour
by a-really-angry-sorceress
Summary: Well, that's debatable actually. Are puns terrible? Yes, yes they are, according to Erik anyway. Especially when Charles Xavier is involved.
1. Magnets

**_Hello ladies, gentlemen and assorted people! This is basically a couple of loosely collected drabbles based around, you guessed it, puns. Yes, Charles and Erik are a couple (it's so canon it hurts), yes they're building up the school together, yes I shouldn't have been allowed to write this…_**

**_This is dedicated to the moron who inspired this, and will probably (hopefully) never see it._**

Erik was reading on one of the bar stools in the kitchen when two arms slipped around his waste. Charles. "Liebling, I'm busy, and aren't you supposed to be teaching?"

"Perhaps," Charles stated smoothly, "but sometimes your force of attraction is too hard to resist."

A smile twitched at Erik's lips as he turned around to look at his boyfriend and repay the compliment, but the smile faded slightly at the mischievous look in those bright blue eyes. Erik had learnt to be very, very wary of that look.

The taller man quickly went over what had just been said. "Charles...did you just make a pun?"

Charles grinned, white teeth flashing, before he forcibly put on a fake serious expression.

"You know I hate puns schatz." Erik gave Charles a look and went back to his book.

Behind him Charles pouted, but decided not to let his fun be ruined by his super grumpy boyfriend. He crept around the counter and came to a rest leaning on Erik's side, cuddling into his chest and making reading all but impossible.

"C'mon Erik, don't repel my advances so quickly."

Erik groaned, and not in a fun way. "Mein gott you're annoying when you want to be. Puns aren't funny Charles."

"Well I think puns are funny so..." Charles sniggered, "aren't you glad that opposites attract?" The mildly disgusted look on Erik's face was all that was needed to set Charles off laughing so hard tears streamed down his face and he sank onto the floor using the counter to support himself.

Erik watched him slide to the floor, closed his book, and sighed. It said something about his life that he was used to random stuff like this happening to him. Erik was resigned to only getting worried if /he/ started doing stuff like this. Finding Raven hanging upside down from the chandelier drinking champagne. Darwin appearing back from the dead in a cloud of mist. Sean putting superglue on the toilet seats. And now Charles crying with laughter over puns. When did he get used to this again?

With one last longing look at his book, Erik went to find whichever class Charles had been teaching. They'd surely be causing anarchy by now, and it didn't look like his boyfriend would be pulling himself together any time soon.

Erik stalked out of the room, leaving a still-hysterical Charles slumped on the floor behind him.

"Oh god," Charles gasped out, "I think I'm dying. I'm too punny for my own good!"

And that just set him off laughing all over again.


	2. Sports

**_Yes, there's more. Yes, it actually might be more terrible than last time. Yes, I specifically went through this and added more Darwin jokes to upset my wonderful friend (you know who you are). Yes, I might be slightly mentally deranged._**

Erik knew setting up an impromptu sporting event for the kids was a bad idea from the start.

And that was before it became a pun competition.

Because seriously, who sets up a competition for a bunch of hormone-riddled, overly-competitive, _super powered_ teenagers. Oh yeah, Charles freaking Xavier. Erik's boyfriend came up with so many stupid ideas every single day that the metallokinetic honestly wondered how Charles was still alive. How _any_ of them were still alive as a matter of fact. First it had been let Raven electrocute Erik as 'practice' in a public place but let's not forewarn Erik shall we? Then it was let's stand right next to the target Alex is firing at when he's not yet mastered his control. There had also been encourage Hank to let go of his human side, and let Sean practice knocking people unconscious with his scream on live human targets. Both of which Erik had not been told about and both of which had nearly scared Erik shitless. But that's a story for another time.

Charles dragged Erik along by his hand towards the kids, who were all babbling excitedly and jumping around doing warmups, Alex seemingly greatly enjoying his efforts to stab Darwin before his powers kicked in to protect him, a massive grin on both of their faces. Erik resisted face palming with great effort; if Darwin could come back to life, he could survive being run through with a stick made of wood. It took a long, calming breath and a stern mental reminder that Charles would disapprove to stop Erik lifting a discus into the air with his powers and beating everyone repeatedly around the head with it.

A rather mischievous telepath beamed up at him. "C'mon Erik, it's just a sports competition. What can go wrong?"

What indeed.

(*I*I*I*)

"Is he dead?"

Erik's head whipped up from where he was examining his unconscious boyfriend to glare at Sean. "No he's not _dead_, and he wouldn't be unconscious either if you were actually any good at baseball."

Sean murmured a petulant comment about how _maybe_ he was aiming for Erik's head, but was smart enough to not let Erik hear it.

Charles groaned as he edged back to wakefulness, and Erik carded a worried hand through his hair. "Charles, are you alright? Say something."

Sleepy blue eyes opened. "I was wondering why that baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me."

Erik groaned loudly even as he smiled with relief. Charles was obviously fine if he was back to making truly abominable puns.

The kids seemed delighted too: Alex was grinning from ear to ear and Raven was jumping up and down and doing her best performing seal impression of laughing and clapping.

Sean smirked at Erik in a way Erik knew he was going to hate in a minute. "Since Mr Grumpypants is probably going to make us stop playing sports now the Professor got hurt, why don't we hold a sports-based pun competition while Charles recovers? After all, I'm sure it will make him feel better, right Professor?"

Charles winked. "Oh absolutely Sean, what an excellent idea. Why don't you start?"

Erik watched the proceedings with a mounting sense of muted horror. "Why don't we not-"

Sean talked right over him, face screwed up in concentration. "Alright then...I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me."

Erik let out an irritated breath. Charles patted his hand in a completely non-sympathetic way. It was official, Erik's boyfriend was actually pure evil.

"Sean, that was shocking." Raven reprimanded. "Let me have a go." She thought about it for a second. "I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it."

There were a few grins, but they were more at the expense of Erik than from any humour they found in the puns. It was obvious that if Erik didn't desperately want to make sure his injured boyfriend was 100% fine, he would've been miles away by now.

Alex, who was still leaning on a javelin which he's been attempting to impale Erik with for the best part of the morning, smirked wickedly. "I've got two things which are long and straight, and the other one's this javelin."

This time everyone except Sean (who was in near hysterics) and Darwin (who simply rolled his eyes repeatedly at his best friend) groaned at Alex's dirty sense of humour. An oddly purple-coloured Hank slapped Alex on the arm harder than he (probably) meant to, and the appropriately named Havoc staggered off clutching at his arm.

Raven turned to her boyfriend expectantly, but he only shrugged. "Sorry, I've got nothing. I always avoided sport, not my thing really for obvious reasons."

Raven sighed in disappointment and turned back to her brother. "Anything to add Charles?"

Charles rubbed his left temple where the baseball had hit and said, with a completely deadpan expression: "I did have a joke about amnesia, but I've forgotten how it goes."

Erik had had enough. He scooped up his boyfriend and, ignoring Charles' indignant yells of "Put me down this instant Erik!", floated up into the air and zoomed towards the house. Because as much as he truly loved his boyfriend, he was not putting up with anymore puns.

_**Review?**_


	3. Science

_**May or may not have had this written for months. May or may not have forgotten to publish it completely.**_

"Hello liebling, what are you doing today?"

Erik had stalked into the library, intent on getting as far away as humanely possible from Hank and Raven in their current lovey dovey mood, and Darwin and Alex…well who knew what _they_ were doing, only to come across Charles curled up on his favourite armchair around a book, his hair ruffled messily and looking really quite adorable for it.

"I'm trying to catch up on anything I might need to know to help any mutant with their powers when the school opens in September, because how can I teach science or how to control their powers if I don't know everything about the subject myself? What if they ask a question and I don't know the answer, what's the point of me then?"

Erik calmed his boyfriend's ranting by placing a soft kiss on the crown of his head. "Charles, calm down, everyone will appreciate that this is a completely new field, and besides, you can't read every book in your library." Charles' frown said he was damn well going to try. Erik sighed and changed his tact. "Besides, not everyone's powers will make sense in the current realms of science, your telepathy will probably be of far greater use to you than any book."

Charles smiled gratefully at his boyfriend. Honestly, he had no idea what kind of state he'd be in without Erik around to keep him steady.

"So, what are you reading?"

"Oh this?" Charles turned the book over to show Erik the spine. "It's a book about anti gravity. It's really good, the theory behind it is excellent and it's impossible to put down."

Erik's eyes narrowed. "You did that on purpose.

"Did what on..." Charles examined what he'd just said and grinned cheekily. "I didn't actually, but it was all the better for it wouldn't you say?"

"At least it means you weren't purposely torturing me. Can I sit?"

"No." Charles grinned as he said it and indicated he meant to opposite with a wave of his hand. "Your good looks are too darn distracting."

Erik smirked, grabbed a book from where he was up to on the shelves (he and Charles were reading from opposite ends so the latter could pull any information he needed from Erik's head) and folded himself into his favourite armchair.

And waited. Because when Charles started on puns, he wasn't going to stop.

It took ten minutes before Charles opened his mouth with his very best innocent expression in place. "Did you know that when Einstein developed a theory about space, it was about time to."

Erik calmly turned a page.

Charles' eyes narrowed and he shut his own book with a snap. So that's how it was going to be, huh? "I read a brilliant theory earlier on inertia, but it doesn't seem to be gaining momentum."

Erik's mind was conspicuously calm, filled only with Russian words from his book, but Charles recognised the slight tightening around his mouth as Erik being unamused. Gotcha. "The roundest knight at King Arthur's table was Sir Cumference."

Erik's iron concentration faltered as Charles giggled. Damn Charles' adorableness. The terrible puns he could ignore, he'd built up enough of a tolerance after all, but his boyfriend was just too cute.

"I wonder if having atheists in class's when we teach exponential equations will be a problem, y'know, because they don't believe in higher powers."

That did it. Erik lunged out of his chair, the precious book falling out of his lap and crumpling on the floor as he crossed the room in two giant strides. Charles shrank back into his chair slightly on sheer instinct; his boyfriend was a rather terrifying man after all, but Erik only placed his hands gently on either side of the telepath's head and brought him in for a deep kiss.

Eventually they broke apart for air, both gasping heavily. "What...?"

"Can't abuse my ears if your mouth's occupied."

"Touché."


End file.
